


The House Will Always Win

by Ooflord21000



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4, Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Crack, Fuck the Synths!, Gen, House VS Institute, House-Aligned Courier, Institute-Aligned Sole Survivor, Not literally, To the commonwealth, only normal robot fucking here, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:54:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29502303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ooflord21000/pseuds/Ooflord21000
Summary: After an assassination attempt on your boy House, the courier ends up going to The Commonwealth to steal their magic teleporty shit. He also has to deal with a perpetually horny body suit that talks only when it's a bad idea to talk. Oh you poor bastards of the Commonwealth...
Kudos: 2





	1. Down with the House? Nah. Why? Cause fuck 'em, that's why!

The Lucky 38, a true relic of the Pre-war era. A tower inhabited by only two. These two were Robert Edwin House, and the sixth courier.

The Courier resided in the Presidential Suite of the 38, surrounded by a wealth of possessions.

He sat wearing a black military-esque long coat, which covered the Stealth Suit MK. II. On his wrist lay a Golden Pip-Boy.

He sat on a coach of black leather, complemented by seven suits of X-01 power armor, a small part of his vast collection, standing behind it. The suits each were colored black, decorated with a golden 38 on their chestplate.

In the center of the recreational room was a massive Deathclaw’s skeleton, permanently frozen in a fight against an inactive Securitron, the last Securitron to ever house Yes Man before his deletion.

On the far side of the room, a row of display cases sat, illuminating various items. From Benny’s suit, to Caesar's Displacer Glove.

The room was like a book, telling a tale of a Courier who continued forwards no matter what. The tale of the House’s right-hand man.

Adn what was the Courier doing now? Well, just what one would expect…

Six’s P.O.V

“Why did I move you fuckers here?” I asked, my voice lost in the voices of the sink personalities. 

“To destroy the ENTIRE MOJAVE!” The toaster yelled, his coils glowing bright white.

I sighed. The real reason was that I got really bored when I was alone. That’s why I always wore the Stealth Suit. 

I was also bored with them being less than intelligent, which is why I upgraded the AI of the personalities. Now they were all on-par with what Yes Man was.

“We will not be destroying the Mojave until Mr. House dies.” I explained for the hundredth time.

“You won’t let him die though!” The toaster yelled.

“That’s the point.” I said once again. Damn toaster.

I was looking through my Pip-Boy, like I often did. I was currently studying the map. The entire Mojave wasteland, every important place layed out in front of me. I had been to every place. Typically leaving mass graves in my wake. 

I didn’t particularly enjoy killing, but I didn’t despise it either. It was just like breathing in a way. It just happened, and if it didn’t I’d… Well, I think House would be against me retiring, but not enough to kill me. He’d probably find a reason to get me back in a year or two.

“Courier, you’re wanted by the House.” A speaker announced from the ceiling. I stood up, my robotic spine making any cramp I may have had obsolete. 

I took the elevator to the penthouse where House’s monitor resided. As I walked in, I very quickly noticed the burns over throughout the room, two Securitrons stood mildly damaged, their weapons at the ready.

“What the fuck happened here?” I asked as I looked around.

“Ah, Six. I have been attacked, an assassination attempt.” House announced, his expression un-changing due to his very advanced display.

“I can see that. How the fuck did someone even get in here?” I asked.

“Something Six, not someone.” House explained as a Securitron lifted a human looking corpse, the only non-human part being the metal jutting out of it’s body along with it’s flesh. “As you can see, I was attacked by a synthetic human. A creation that even I hadn’t considered. So very life-like, that any human could’ve been tricked.”

“Still doesn’t explain how it got in.” 

“It gets better, Six. The synthetic was teleported directly into my home through something very similar to the molecular relay concept I had created while in the Commonwealth Institution of Technology. Such an accurate and functional version of my invention could be used to take the entire country under my control.”

“We could once again unite every Robco creation ever produced under my banner. From the smallest Pip-Boy, to Liberty Prime itself!” Mr. House announced, somehow conveying excitement.

“And I’m not even getting to the concept of getting a body so similar to a humans. And all that has to happen is the collection of whoever created this synthetic.” House finished.

“And let me guess, you want me to find ‘em?” I asked rhetorically.

“How perceptive Six. The location of the C.I.T is in the Commonwealth of Boston on the other side of the country, so I have gone out of my way to upgrade a Vertibird to take you there. It is waiting for you at Hoover Dam. I advise you to prepare well, Six. Any questions?” Mr. House asked.

“What can you tell me about this Synth fucker?” I asked.

“I’ve only had a brief amount of time to study it, but it appears to be human in nearly every way. The only way to discover its synthetic origins would be fatal. They are more durable, perceptive, and strong than any normal human. Though I trust that you could easily destroy one.” House answered.

“Can I have a map of the area before I go there so I can plan out a route and a base of operations?” I requested.

“Of course. I have uploaded a pre-war map of the area to your Pip-Boy.” Mr. House granted, my Pip-Boy making a ping, signalling the data transfer.

“Do you have any data about the condition of the area now?” I asked.

“I have sent scouts there in the past, all of them finding little to no information. I do know that it was recently visited by a large Brotherhood of Steel group, and that the group has not left. Feel free to remove them.” House answered.

“That’s all. I’ll be on my way now.” I said, walking to the elevator. I ignored the ping of a quest starting as I entered.

“So… are we gonna go on an adventure? I’ll make sure to hide you, make sure you stay mine…” My Stealth Suit announced. Loudly.

“Yes, we are.” I stated simply. Ah, the Stealth Suit MK. II, one of the handful of ‘women’ that I had to dodge romantic feelings from. Between her, Dala, and both of the light switches, I was truthfully in a state of fear. And with House having plans to make me immortal soon enough, I can look forward to my only real permanent romantic option being one of them. Worst of all, the Stealth suit was a body suit.

I shake in fear sometimes.

I walked back into my room. The place contained not only the murderous toaster who could actually operate Power Armor, but 10 suits of power armor in total. Though that was but a fraction of my true collection. I had around 430 at this point. One of which was literally just a Sentry Bot with a pilot seat.

I stripped my military coat off, throwing it behind me. I then set to browsing my options clothing wise.

I opted for my most prized piece of Power Armor. A set of X-02 Tesla Armor. Modified beyond anything else. It took three unique fusion cores, each one twice as large as any normal one, which were made to last twenty decades before they needed to be replaced. The Armor itself was plated with heated saturnite, while the actual body armor was made up of lead, which I was immune to. The frame of the armor was custom made with duraframe, made to connect with my implants through a variety of small holes.

It was the single best piece of Power Armor in the wasteland. And I intend to find the other 9 regular X-02’s in the future.

Anyways, I entered the Power Armor. Feeling a decent amount of heat burn at my body, before my implants connected, filling my body with literal engine coolant. It really shouldn’t work at all, but that’s the general rule of thumb when it comes to the Think Tank.

I then moved onto my weapons.

I picked out Maria, a heavily modified Anti-Material Rifle, and FIDO. I could probably find anything else I needed.

FIDO barked happily as I digitized him. Thankfully, he was the only barking gun. I think I would have shot myself if Maria started woofing.

And now I’m ready. Now, any sane person would have taken the elevator down to the first floor. I installed a door in the wall for a reason though. Now onward, to the Commonwealth!

Thump.


	2. Laser Butter Churn

“Why’s it fucking auto-pilot? I wanted to drive the Vertibird.” I explained to Victor's face, which was being broadcasted to a screen on the Vertibird.

“Sorry pardner, House’s orders.” The cowboy explained.

“Alright, fine. How long is this ride gonna take?” I asked.

“Well, the House figures it’ll take ‘round a day, so feel free to take a nap.” Victor stated.

“Probably a good idea, thanks Victor.” I said with a nod, locking up my Power Armors joints, allowing me to rest in it.

“‘Corse pardner.” The cowboy replied.

After around twenty hours of off and on sleeping, the Vertibird started to slow down.

“Well pardner, I’m on the edge of the Commonwealth, any specifications on where you wanna drop?” Victor asked.

“Yeah, there's a vault up in the northeast corner, Vault 111. Land up there.” I explained.

“I see it pardner, I’ll take you down now.” With that, the Vertibird started moving again. 

I unlocked the joints of my suit, allowing me to move again. It took a bit to move my feet, as they had melted into the floor slightly. Victor brought the Vertibird to the ground, allowing me to hop off.

“Good luck pardner!” The cowboy yelled as the Vertibird took off. I waved at him as he departed. I was then left with my own thoughts.

“We should find some people, I like hiding you in public.” The Stealth Suit announced, once again about ten decibels louder than she should’ve.

Correction. My own thoughts and double S’s. A true tragedy. 

I should probably find someone to, uh… “interview’ about the institute though. A very peaceful interview. I would NEVER resort to torure. Ever.

Ever.

ANYWAYS!

I began the walk to this weird town I saw on the map.

It didn’t take long, but then again, it wasn’t very far.

“Yo, why the fucker are there discount American flags everywhere? At least the Enclave had a nice looking one.” 

I really enjoyed my time in the Enclave, but being Mr. House’s second in command/ field officer/ personal executioner is a nice job too.

Ya know, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to broadcast my location and my general love towards the Enclave.

Ah, whatever. This place is too small to house anyone important anyways! I need to loosen my joints anyways. What better way to do that is there than bathing in the blood of my enemies/ civilians? 

I brought out FIDO, the gun barking happily as I brought it into the ready position. Looking around, I noticed my first victims. Two guards in… 

“...is that fucking T-45? This is gonna be easier than I thought.” I yelled out as I slammed my finger onto FIDO’s trigger. The gun barked happily as I killed the two guards. I turned back to face the town, only to be shot by… is… is…

“Is that a laser… musket?” I wondered aloud, looking at the cross between a laser rifle, a tree branch, and a butter churn. I digitized FIDO, running forwards. The man was visibly panicking until I eased his worries with a smooth punch to the chest.

Six: 1  
Donut guy: 0

I picked up the strange gun before digitizing it. “A fine addition to my collection.” I said with a grin.

I brought out my AM Rifle, cracking off a few shots at a few more guards. T-45 was not meant to stop a .50 MG round fired at mach 2. Then again, what was? Aside from FUCKING LEGATE LANIUS who decided he could tank a METRIC FUCK TON OF THEM.

Having found a spike of rage, my Power Armor did what it was supposed to do. Inject me with chems. Now, while it was supposed to be full of Day Trippers, I had replaced that with a mix of Psycho, Turbo, Slasher, Party Time Mentats, Fire Ant Nectar, Buffout, Ultrajet, Rocket, and Jet.

Anyways, long story short, I woke up laying in a snow-angel of melted corpses. Epic.

I wonder if this is gonna come back to bite me in the ass later… 

[The Institute, Nate’s P.O.V]

“Director, I have some… bad news.” A scientist said slowly as he entered my room. I looked up from my terminal, facing the man.

“What do you mean ‘bad news’.” I asked.

“Sanctuary Hills, and by proxy, your wife, has been... massacred.” The scientist said with a sad look.

“No… NO! NOO!”

[Back with ya boy Courier Six]

“I doubt it. Yo, a red leather coat! That shit’s coming with me!” I yelled, grabbing said coat off of a woman's body.

“Now, onwards! To find some people to actually interview!” I yelled out.

“Wait, I doubt that they’ll let me in any major settlements dressed like this. I need clothing. Luckily, I always bring a disguise.” I explained to myself for dramatic flair.

I digitize my armor, and put on Benny’s suit, which I had brought with me as a last minute decision. 

“Ring a ding ding baby, as they say.” I said with a chuckle, straightening my tie.

I began to look through corpses, finding that a number of them were synths. Huh, maybe I should’ve kept someone alive.

Ah whatever. 

After finding a decent amount of Dog Tags, weird plug looking things, and caps.

I spent an extra hour rigging every Fusion Core in the town to a trigger. I left the town, detonating it behind me.

I left the smoking wreck a couple thousand caps richer.

A truly superior deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be arrested.

**Author's Note:**

> A very short beginning, but I ain't gonna go and explain every little detail like, "The floor had 978321 specks of dust, i made sure to coat each one with my super duper enclave made neural implant that was made in 2148 for a multitude of reasons.. blah blah blah." because I want a higher word count. So I hope you enjoyed. PLS LIKE COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE. ONLY 0.00001 PERCENT OF YOU ARE SUBSCRIBED.


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